Well, so much for a merry Christmas… I slipped up big time… my mom and I got into a big fight and I got really really upset. I ended up hurting myself. But that’s not what bothers me. I’ve never looked at the si as a big problem. What does bother me is that I was on my third day of detox and I was doing really well. But after I hurt myself and was still being screamed at, I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore. I gave in. The third day of detox, though it may be hard, is supposedly the last hard day. Because after three days, your system is clean. So my system was pretty much clean, but I contaminated it when I abused substances. I feel awful that I screwed up. My best friend had been working so hard to help my find the power to stop. And now that I slipped, even though I know she’ll be there for me; I feel like I let her down too. It wasn’t just me that was being affected by them. I didn’t need it, and I know that. But I wanted the substance. They just changed how I felt. Calmed me; made me feel that every little thing wasn’t huge, gave me a reason to take a step back. And I know that I can do that without substances, but part of me just wants them. There are so many parts of me that want to stop all this foolishness, that wants me to be safe and substance free. But there are parts that would rather it just stay this way, it’s so much easier to give in than it is for me to quit.