This is my first time writing on S.A.F.E. I’ve spent a lot of my last few years with self injury. Whether doing it or thinking about it. I started when I was 16, and ended up getting help by 18. It seemed to have helped, for a while. But once I get depressed, it keeps pulling me back. My thoughts always return to it, and I can’t stop thinking about it.
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me, and I just had it. I tried to stop when I was with him cuz I knew that he thought it was stupid and didn’t understand it. I hated myself so much that I just had to do it to release some of the pain and tension that I had built up inside of me.
Now, I’m 23, and all I think about is it. I’m so relieved there is a place like this where there are people to talk to. I dont want to kill myself, I just need to do it to let out everything. I write and it sometimes helps, but not in the same way. I’m ashamed of it, I’m ashamed of the scars. I want to stop, but I have no place to go. And it never seems to do any good. I dont want to tell my parents, because they have enough on their plates, and I seem to always mess up some how. I’m tired of letting them down. I just dont know what to do to make this stop. It’s a vicious cycle and it is beginning to tire me.