Why? I don’t know why i can’t get the thought to SI out of my head. I just want it to stop.  I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to be this person but i don’t know any other way to release the feelings i keep locked up. I feel like without it i will explode. I wish i had someone to help me. I wish all those feelings would go anyway. I just wish I wasn’t me though i guess. Why do i have to feel this way? Why can’t i stop? Why am i not able to say no to the want to SI?