I made some mistakes last night. But I’m going to try and look at it as a learning experience. The lesson being, no more substance abuse for me. I’m trying to break this old habit of self-injuring, and substances just weaken my defenses against it. I know that I truly do not want to self-injure anymore, but I have to keep my mind in a state where I can remember that.

I learned last night that when I give up control to substances, it’s very easy to fall back into self-injury. I guess because self-injuring has just become so natural through the years. I hope that eventually I can get to the point where self-injuring doesn’t seem so natural anymore, but for now resisting takes a lot of will power. Will power that I don’t have when I’m abusing substances.

(Anyway, again…if this is too triggering it’s cool with me if it’s not posted.)