Well, it’ll be a week tomorrow since the last time I SIed. The longest I’ve gone is a week, so I’m a bit worried I’ll relapse again. But, I want to stay strong. I want to be completely clean for Christmas. But as I begin to heal, I get even bigger urges.  But I don’t want too many people to find out. I don’t want my parents to find out, or the rest of my family. So I need these marks to heal up. I should have never turned to SI in the first place. It was a stupid decision, because now, I’m addicted. Just one time, I told myself. I told my friend the same thing too, but no, it wasn’t just one time. Plus I told my friend it wasn’t going to change me. Well, I changed. I lost my old self. I’m just trying to get her back, but my worst fear is that I lost her completely. I’m worried that I won’t get her back. Life is just so confusing right now. A constant roller coaster. I’m getting by each day, I’m staying strong, but for how long will this last?