I’ve been struggling with SI since I was in the 5th grade. It started getting serious when I was in the 7th grade though. I hid it from my friends and my family with a smile on my face. No one suspected anything until I got really bad and fessed up and told my best friend in the eight grade. I swore her to secrecy, but she risked our friendship to save my life and she told her mom everything. On Thursday, I’ll be a year and ten months clean. It hasn’t been easy and lately I have lost almost all hope. I don’t really know how to deal with this anymore. I don’t want to deal with it either. Why me? Why do I have to struggle?! I want a normal life, not one full of pain. I feel worthless. What should I do? Is this really me? Does SI define who I am? Please help.
You are absolutely NOT worthless and you are so much more than just SI! You’re valuable beyond measure & you have so much to offer to the world, and you’ve got lots of strength to make it this far without SI. Is there someone you can talk to about how hard it’s been lately? I’ve found that sometimes the most helpful thing is just having someone who knows. Painting and writing seem to help me too.
Anyway…i hope things get better for you soon. I don’t necessarily know how to help because i’ve only been s.i.-free for like a month, but i do think you deserve so much better than that pain.
No matter what you think your not worthless. The fact that your friend risked your friendship to help you shows that you are incredibly important to her.
Thanks guys. It means so much to me that you care. I do have a therapist that I talk to, I just haven’t been there for awhile. I’m going to start going again very soon.
and Trissy? I’m so proud of you for not injuring 🙂