It’s been almost five months since my ex boyfriend and I broke up. I truly cared for him and loved him with all my heart. But ever since he is a completely different person. He is abusing substances a lot more. I don’t even recognize him anymore. I used to see him as the sweet gentleman who loved me and was so caring and lovable toward everyone. Now all I see is a guy desperate to fit in with everyone. The worst part is that he knew about my depression and how I felt. He would tell me not to give up because I had life to look forward to and because he loved me. He even always made sure I was okay every single day. Now I still miss him. I know I should be over him but he was the person I would always lean on when I was stressed out or needed support. My self esteem has completely lowered now. I don’t feel like an ideal girl any guy would go for. I still feel like it was my fault we broke up and I always blame myself to this day. When we broke up, I started SIing because I didn’t have anyone for support because my best friends abandoned me at the same time. Even though I haven’t SIed in 3 months, I still have my scars. Anytime I look at these scars I will always remember him in a negative way. He said he loved me but when you love someone you would NEVER hurt and abandon them especially when they have been through depression and are extremely vulnerable. I will always care for him I don’t think I have enough strength to forgive him.