So.
My best friend who I gave everything to, who I trusted, who I loved so deeply, has turned on me. She thinks I blame her. She thinks me and my family hate her. She’s hurt. Well. I’m hurt too. She abandoned me. She left me when I was vulnerable, when I needed her the most, when she was the only person who understood. She was my hope, my future. I loved her, and I don’t blame her or anybody else for the things that have happened. They were my decisions, my choices, and now I have to live with the consequences. Like I chose to start S.I.ing. I chose to relapse. I chose to tell her because I thought that she wanted to know, because I thought that she cared. I almost got suspended from my dance school for “talking to her about my S.I.ing.” I don’t have anything without my dance school. I chose to relapse again this Monday. I chose to take out all the hurt, the anger, the disappointement, the nostalgia, the heartbreak, the sadness, on me. I chose.
I miss her. A lot. And it hurts me. And I have to be there, and be strong for my pregnant best friend, the one who didn’t abandon me. Even though I’m exhausted, I WILL NOT abandon her like my ex-best friend abandoned me. Even though she cancelled on my today when we were supposed to hang out, I know that her parents are having a rough time coming to terms with the fact that she’s pregnant, and I will be forgiving. But I’m not sure if I should forgive my ex-best friend and try to be friends with her again.
Also one of my dance teachers is gone until like February, and I really miss her. She has supported me through my S.I.ing, too. Life is just rough at the moment, but I’m sure it will all work out, it always does.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, your comments always brighten my day and keep me trying and holding on.
Staystrong.
i sort of lost a best friend to because over the years weve just grown farther and farther apart and she has really changed. i know that feeling you get when you just cant grasp the feeling that they’re out of your life…they were the one you went to with everything, the one you could always have a good time with, the one that you could truly and honestly be yourself around without feeling like you would be judged.. and now, they’re gone….. it sucks and it hurts but you gotta keep your head up girl you have another best friend and others will come along that you will create strong connections with. Be there for your pregnant friend now too cause im sure she really needs it and sometimes helping others takes your own hurt away from you. Hang in there and things will get better:)
thanks. 🙂
I’ve told my best friend everything. I mean everything. She was the very first person I told about my SIing. Now though, it’s become too much for her to handle mentally and emotionally. Which I completely and totally understand because well, if I can’t handle it why did I expect her to? But it kills her to not know and it totally sucks not telling her so that’s why I came to this site..
Your friend may just be scared. SI is a really difficult thing to deal with and well, a lot of people just up and leave. Maybe they think that leaving you will help you in the end. Some friendships work that way. The person will do anything, ANYTHING to save the other. It kills her to see you in pain and she obviously doesn’t know how to deal with your pain on top of hers.
Hang in there dude. You still have us 🙂
thanks guys 🙂 I really appreciate the support! 😀 yeah, the thing is, she S.I.s too, and she said that she didnt wanna be involved in my S.I.ing anymore. I respected that, but then things got worse and now she almost always ignores me and then acting like i did everything wrong to lose her… I guess i did do some things wrong but everybody makes mistakes. And she abandoned me when I needed her the most. She could have been there for me without us talking about S.I…. I just wish that things would go back to how they were before… this just hurts soo much. 🙁 I gave her everything and she was the very first person to know about my S.I.ing, in the very early days. I miss her so badly it hurts. 🙁