My best friend who I gave everything to, who I trusted, who I loved so deeply, has turned on me. She thinks I blame her. She thinks me and my family hate her. She’s hurt. Well. I’m hurt too. She abandoned me. She left me when I was vulnerable, when I needed her the most, when she was the only person who understood. She was my hope, my future. I loved her, and I don’t blame her or anybody else for the things that have happened. They were my decisions, my choices, and now I have to live with the consequences. Like I chose to start S.I.ing. I chose to relapse. I chose to tell her because I thought that she wanted to know, because I thought that she cared. I almost got suspended from my dance school for “talking to her about my S.I.ing.” I don’t have anything without my dance school. I chose to relapse again this Monday. I chose to take out all the hurt, the anger, the disappointement, the nostalgia, the heartbreak, the sadness, on me. I chose.
I miss her. A lot. And it hurts me. And I have to be there, and be strong for my pregnant best friend, the one who didn’t abandon me. Even though I’m exhausted, I WILL NOT abandon her like my ex-best friend abandoned me. Even though she cancelled on my today when we were supposed to hang out, I know that her parents are having a rough time coming to terms with the fact that she’s pregnant, and I will be forgiving. But I’m not sure if I should forgive my ex-best friend and try to be friends with her again.
Also one of my dance teachers is gone until like February, and I really miss her. She has supported me through my S.I.ing, too. Life is just rough at the moment, but I’m sure it will all work out, it always does.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, your comments always brighten my day and keep me trying and holding on.