It’s been  a little over two months since I las SIed…  And I’m starting to feel really depressed/invisable.  I’ve been trying to get my first job, and I can’t seem to get my stay at home mother to help me in anyway.  And when I ask her to help me she sighs and groans like I’m really putting her out or something.  I’m sorry that I’ve been pestering her…  So now I’m kind of keeping my distance. 

I want to SI so, so badly right now.  If I open my mouth near one of my family memebers I’ve said/done something wrong and I get yelled at.  I’m the “slacker” of the family, but I’m trying so hard to not be! 

I know I need to talk to my mother because I’m scared…  I think, maybe, I may have breast cancer…  But my family has called my a Hypocondriact(I don’t know how it’s spelled), someone who thinks they catch everything.  My family, on my mom’s side, has a Huge history of cancer too….  I’m really scared!  But I don’t know what to do! 

I want to SI everytime my mother gives me a dissaproving look, everytime my sister tells me “Don’t take everything so personally”, everytime my litle brother tells me just how much I’ve screwed up by waking up and getting out of bed. 

I used to have one friend I could talk to about all of this, then he got a girlfriend…  Now I hardly to never see him!  It’s really depressing.

And yes, sadly, that makes me want to SI as well… 

I’m scared, I’m hurt, and I’m completely alone.  Some advise would be great…  Thanks for your time