This is kind of a long story, but I had been writing about how things had gotten bad between my ex and I. Well…last night, it got nasty. He threatened to my roommate and I. Needless to say, I got really triggered and was wanting to injure. I didn’t, but I didn’t end up sleeping much last night. I’m exhausted. I got up this morning and tried to figure out what to do. I haven’t filed a police report against my ex-boyfriend yet, but I was able to get myself into a domestic-violence shelter, so he won’t be able to find me. Hopefully my roommate will be here tomorrow, so I’ll feel a lot better once she does get here. It seems pretty cool so far. All the girls are really nice. The best thing though, is that I actually feel safe. I can go to bed tonight and not feel scared. 

I don’t know why I ever got involved with him, he’s a hot mess, and so is my ex-best friend. I just know that I feel a lot better now that I’m here. I’m supposed to meet with the shelter’s advocate tomorrow about filling out the PFA (Protection From Abuse). I’m still debating whether or not to fill out the paperwork.  I’m still debating whether or not to even fill out a police report. I just don’t know what to do…

I’m still struggling, but things seem like they’re looking up. There’s no drugs or alcohol here at the facility, so I’m not gonna be tempted by that. As for the other ways I injure…that’s something I’m just gonna have to try and handle on my own I guess. I just want to get him out of my life. I want to stop feeling so scared and stop letting him control my emotions. I don’t want ANYTHING to do with him anymore. I want him to stay out of my life for good! I want to have healthy, sane people in my life, not self-centered, psychotic alcoholics (no offense intended, but he is a self-centered, psychotic alcoholic). I just want to get through school and make something of myself. Is that asking so much? I just want to be happy and live a normal life. To not have daily urges to injure…I don’t think that’s asking too much, is it?