I don’t know why I keep going back for more. Wednesday-Saturday I went to visit a friend. i thought things would be different, but it turned out to be the same old song. Wednesday went ok and part of Thursday, but as soon as everything was all said and done on Thursday she went into her tyrant about needing help with this that and the other. Mostly cleaning whatever she needed cleaning and packing boxes and lifting to put them into her storage shed. I thought I wouldn’t bend to her hints and all, but I couldn’t sit to save my own life and wound up cleaning organizing vacuuming basically being what I’ve always been to her a slave. Between packing things up and putting them in her car to transport she never let up and her idea of a break is for two minutes and then that’s it it’s like if she’s moving something you have to move twice as much. After getting everything done on Saturday I came home exhausted, in pain and also mentally washed up she even told me that I shouldn’t have a feeling towards anyone because it would be stupid and retarded of me. after unpacking and putting everything I had to away I was fit to be tied, angry and really disgusted with myself so I decided I would go to out and just be destructive since I really haven’t stopped so I went to a club that is suppose to be off limits to me because this is where I get my abuse continued. I just felt like such a loser because of what happened and I thought that I deserved it so I hurt myself even more. I just haven’t really been able to stop thinking how could a person do this to another. You’re suppose to be hanging not being a slave to someone who lives with clutter it’s just not right. And I just keep going back for more because I always try to give her the benefit of the doubt that it will be different the next time around. It shows you how much of a idiot, moron and all those other words I am. I don’t know if anyone will get whatever I’m trying to say it’s like my whole world comes to a complete and utter end.