I’ve been injuring for about about 4 months now.
It started when my uncle starting getting into drugs. I’m 14, and he’s 19. He’s done every drug out there, and I have to know about it. He’s almost died probably 20 times from overdosing on them. We’re really close, so this is hard on me. He’s been arrested and had to go to jail for about 3 months, which was hard because he was in with murderers and such, for such a stupid thing he did. I stopped when he got out of jail, and stopped doing drugs.
I started again.
I had to move and my mom was just treating me horrible. She would ignore me and didn’t notice any problems that I was going through. She would yell at me for every little thing, and I just got fed up with it. I used injuring to cope.
I was getting bothered at school because of some stupid rumors that were going around about me, and that just ticked me off. So I continued injuring.
Then I met this kid Ryan. He’s 17, and he also injures. He’s amazing. He asked me out, and I couldn’t say no. He’s probably the best (and worst) thing that’s ever happened to me. I love him with all my heart, and the same with him for me. The problem: He posted on a site “Lets get this straight…I am in love with Aaren M… no one could ever replace her.” Now, my name is not Aaren. Aaren is his ex girlfriend. I got really upset over that and injured. That was first time that I had done that, but I did. Then we argued over this for quite some time and we broke up. When we worked things out, it was better. Then something happened between us again, and we broke up. I injured again. We fixed things, and it was better.
My mom took my phone and read all of my text messages. It had things in there I didn’t want her to read. She screamed at me and grounded me. I ran away and went down to this secluded area where no one usually was. As I was running out, I grabbed my tool.
I went down to the area, and was crying and was just horrible. I built up so much frustration, anger, and sadness, that I injured again. I knew that I didn’t want to kill myself, so I ran to my boyfriends house who lived nearbye. He drove me to the hospital to have it fixed. After that night, my mom put me on lockdown.
I have no cell phone. No computer(Most of the time), no hanging out with friends, and she won’t let me talk to my boyfriend. It’s been a week since that night and everythings building up again. I’m mostly upset that I can’t talk to my boyfriend, and he’s been SIing because we haven’t been able to talk. I SI over that, cause I know that it’s my fault that he’s doing it.
When I look at the scars, I cry. But I feel happy when I do it. That’s why I hate it, but I love it at the same time.
No other way helps me get through my problems. Now I know that my issuses may not be as bad as someone else’s reason for injuring themselves, but I’m getting worse and I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t talk to people, and I hate this. The few friends that know about it, are getting mad at me for it. My mom is basically back to how it was before. What can I do to stop myself? I feel like nothing else works like this does, but I hate doing it. Yet I love it.