soooo mad at myself. I thought i was gonna quit SI for good but for some reason thats all i can think about now and the other night i did it again.  i would think about how dumb i was forr doing it…..i just cant even believe i did it.  (sigh) i just want to stop, thats really all iwant but at the same time i really dont because it feels good to me…it makes me go numb to all the other stuff ive put out of my mind so i dont have to deal. The worst part is that things seem to be going pretty good right now so then why am i punishing myself???? i realize that i need help and i went to this couceler but she didnt say anything i hadnt heard before and as a matter of fact she didnt help at all..i need help.