I haven’t been able to stop for no more than two days. I always turn to SI. But like Trissy said, I am mostly just stopping because loved ones have told me to stop. But not only am I hurting those I care about, I’m hurting God, my heavenly Father. So, that alone makes me want to stop, but this has become an addiction. Not only that, but I’m choosing the one who only has a tool to offer for comfort.
I almost feel that if I stop, I’ll miss a part of me. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s how I feel. I almost feel like I’m changing. Well, I do feel like I’m changing. So much has changed. And it seems each day I relapse, it becomes easier and easier to do. But, really? What is the harm? What will it really do that’s so dangerous? My mind is completely twisted at what to do.
I wrote this in my journal the other day: My life is like a rose. Each time something happens, each time I SI, a petal falls to the ground and dies. Pretty soon all that will be left are traces of the beautiful rose that was once blooming, becoming something great each day.