It’s almost been a year, since i’ve started this habbit. This habbit that’s turned my life upside down. Nothing anyone said helped, so I tried taking matters of my emotions into my own hands. I got home from school and threw my bag down. It was eating me away inside. The sadness, the blue. It was all I could feel. I didn’t want to feel it. It hurt. Into the bathroom I went, and locked the door behind me. I injured….
Months rolled by, and I spent more and more time locked in my room. Two people know, Brendon, and Cate. I told Brendon only a few months after I started. Because I needed someone to know. And I told Cate, only a few weeks ago, because Brendon lives so far away, and I need someone there. Someone I can call and make plans with when I need to get away. I don’t tell anyone. Not because I don’t want them helping me, but i’m so afraid of what they’ll think. Most people’s opinions mean nothing to me, but the people I care about’s opinions do. And I have no idea how to begin to explain to them what’s happening to me. And i’m afraid they won’t understand. I hate this. What I do. Brendon always asks why I do it. I can’t even tell him, because I don’t know. I mean, it make’s the sadness go away for a little, but it always comes back. I’ve tried to stop, but it’s like.. an addiction. Even if you don’t like it, you’re drawn it. Everything you do revolves around it. It’s an escape, you can’t even escape from. I don’t want to do it, but I can’t stop. I just need to know that one day it’ll all be behind me, and I can be normal again. But when?