hi everyone, it’s me again.
i’m struggling…i haven’t SI’d in about a week, and i don’t want to at this very moment, but things are starting to stress me out and i’m afraid i will again soon.

as caitie said, i think i need to get some things off my chest.

i’m sick. i don’t know if it’s an ear infection or because i was off my meds for a couple of days waiting for a re-fill. i’ve been feeling horrible and i’m going to the dr. today to see if i have an ear infection or to find out what’s causing this.

i’m excited because i’m going to see new moon with my dad today. he actually read all 4 books and watches twilight alot. i can’t believe it. i don’t know if he did it so we could have something in common or because he actually is interested in it, but i like to live in the fantasy world where he did it for me and not himself alone. it’s nice to be able to do/share something with him and me not just doing something he likes so we’ll have something to talk about.

ugh…i lied. i wanna SI.
my mom keeps hounding me like i’m still 10 and can’t take responsiblity for myself. i makes it harder to take responsibilty for doing things if she’s just do it herself first or keep reminding me all the time. i know mom. hello. i’m 22 remember? ugh.

i’m tired of living the world where she lives in…the one where no one moves on. she won’t divorce my dad, she can’t be strict enough with my brother, and here i am 22 and still living in her house, not moving on.

i wanna move on, i just don’t know how without breaking her heart and making her feel abandoned.

sorry…i just sorta started typing to myself and rambling. thanks for reading.