Thanks everyone who’s commented on my posts. It really means a lot to me. Sorry I don’t leave many comments, but i just don’t think i know enough to help anybody.
Anyway… i wish i understood what i’m so unhappy about, ya know? I just can’t put a finger on it. Something about life just bothers me. I think this whole not-s.i. thing would all be a lot easier if i understood what the problem was. I think maybe it’s just that there are so many ugly things in this world. It’s too much to stomach. That and the fact that i can’t ever live up to my own standards. I’ve always got this thought in the back of my head that nothing i do is good enough.
Today’s a week & 2 days for me… i guess it’s nothing to celebrate, but maybe it’s a good thing. I still haven’t figured out exactly why it’s important not to s.i., except that some people i care about want me to stop. But i guess if i can eventually decide i don’t deserve pain, something good might come out of that. I mean, i want to do good things for people, and maybe i can’t fully accomplish that as long as i consider myself worthless?
I told a good friend i s.i. and he thinks i should see a counselor or something. I don’t really like the idea though. It makes me nervous.