Thanks everyone who’s commented on my posts.  It really means a lot to me.  Sorry I don’t leave many comments, but i just don’t think i know enough to help anybody.

Anyway… i wish i understood what i’m so unhappy about, ya know?  I just can’t put a finger on it.  Something about life just bothers me.  I think this whole not-s.i. thing would all be a lot easier if i understood what the problem was.  I think maybe it’s just that there are so many ugly things in this world.  It’s too much to stomach.  That and the fact that i can’t ever live up to my own standards.  I’ve always got this thought in the back of my head that nothing i do is good enough.

Today’s a week & 2 days for me… i guess it’s nothing to celebrate, but maybe it’s a good thing.  I still haven’t figured out exactly why it’s important not to s.i., except that some people i care about want me to stop.  But i guess if i can eventually decide i don’t deserve pain, something good might come out of that.  I mean, i want to do good things for people, and maybe i can’t fully accomplish that as long  as i consider myself worthless?

I told a good friend i s.i. and he thinks i should see a counselor or something.  I don’t really like the idea though.  It makes me nervous.