So yesterday I managed not to SI, but I did it tonight. I like the feeling again. Plus it’s helping me deal with my life. See lately it’s been so hard to just live my life. My sister is dying, my GF is using(I’m a recovering addict), my hours at work have been reduced so bad I can’t live on what I make anymore. I live in a recovery home, so they won’t kick me out cuz I can’t pay, so I’ve been looking for another job everyday. I’m just so stressed, plus I gotta focus on school too. Also I have no one, besides my counselor to talk to about SI. I’m scaring myself cuz I wanna SI. I don’t know what to do, I mean three days ago I hadn’t SI in 8 months(I blew it). I don’t want this SI back in my life, but I just don’t care now. I don’t really care nemore, but deep inside I do. I mean I wanna be a role model, I’m going to school to be a clinical Psychologist.  To me my drug addiction is just like SI, so I did relapse just not on drugs. I have so many coping skills it’s insane and I was using them daily until three days ago and they just seemed not to work. And I see my GF using and engaing in ED so I am like she’s doing that so whats the big deal if I secretly SI again. Thats n ot the attitude I should have. Also lately I’ve been engaging in my ED again. How do I get back on track? Also I don’t wanna tell my counselor either, when I know I should. I wanna continue my secret life of SI. But then again I dont. It’s an internal battle and the negative voice is winning right now. Plus I’m so ashamed that I SI again. Thats one thing keeping me from sharing this with anyone close to me or my counselor. My other dilema is that I’m working the 12 steps with my sponsor and HONESTY is one of the keys to staying clean. How do I get HONEST again? And how do I get back on the horse?