so im new to this, but i S.I. it just happened last month& i really want to stop myself. theres a lot going on in my life right now& im so … lost under the pressure. i want help, but in a way i dont. my dads really sick, the doctors arent sure how to treat him, treatment is slow because insurance takes too long to approve of the treatments. my mom has to take care of him, shes pretty busy with that and i guess kinda stressed from it too. my brother(7) doesnt really.. know how to be quiet and respect my fathers needs so he bothers my mom, i want to help so i get annoyed with him then a fight starts and i just ruin things. my boyfriend broke up w/me when i needed him the most. he was my everything, we spoke of forever& ever. but hes changed, a lot. he’s not like the guy i once fell in love with or maybe.. he was always acting like a “playa”. everytime i hear something about him, i feel really .. sad. it makes me want to S.I. i miss him, i still love him. but i dont think he feels the same. he knows i S.I. because i told him. i want to trust him but i’m scared to. scared that hes only doing htis.. .. for i dont konw why. i am really working on not S.I. but. i cant control myself, help please?
That is a a lot to deal with at one time, your family seems like you love each other though even if the stress is taking a toll on you all. Sorry that your dad is ill and that the treatments aren’t going to well, but I hope all the best for him. As for your boyfriend, it seems that you can do so much better in finding someone who loves you and won’t walk out on you. You are an important person too. It’s so hard to fight the need to S.I when things like this are going on but if you really want to you just have to try your hardest to stay stong. Hopefully talking on here will help and maybe you could find another way to keep your mind off of S.I-ing. Personally, I love writing and painting. And surrounding yourself with supportive friends is always a plus.
I’m here if you want to talk. <3
thx(:
its kinda ironic how you say my family seems like we love each other. my parents& i don’t acutally have the best kinda relationship oddly. i konw i deserve someone better, but .. i love him so much& i’m so stuck in the past. i want his attention, his care. but i think i did the wrong thing by telling him that i S.I. it.. seems pointless, i told him. he foudn help, and then hes done. he doesnt care anymore. i’m so confused. he sends such mixed signals, leads me on. i feel like a disaster. my mom knows i S.I and since then i’ve tried hardest to not do it, but .. i just don’t know what to do. i want him back in my life, i seem so desperate, he seems so .. carefree. i find distractions, but they only work.. for so long.
I didn’t mean that you guys have the best relationship, just that even through that I can tell you still love them. Even if it’s just for being parents. I don’t think that you should have to hide such a special and close piece of you, like your S.I-ing, from a person whom you love and who is suppose to love you too. Moving on is such a hard thing to do, I know. I mean I met this kid when I was 13, belived I had fallen so madly in love with him, but I just never got my chance. I really still love him so much and see him every now and then. But just got the news he’s getting married and joining the marines. He’s only 19 too, seems so young to me. But it’s really hard that after loving him for so long I actually have to let go. No matter how much I don’t want to. I’ve S.I.ed for probabally about two years or so, i stopped for a year too but recently fell back into the habit. I was four weeks without S.I until I about 2 days ago. I’m trying to get back on track. We can fight this together.
youre an amazing person, reading taht made me feel so happy. last night i sent him something and i guess expected a reply. i never got one. i guess thats when i finally realized, i have to let go. hes gone, long gone. hes not worth my time, and i shoudl just let go. theres so much more out there wiating for me. i’m only so young. i mean its his loss not mine. one then when he realizes how much i really was to him, its too late ‘cuase ill be gone. thank you so much! and yes, i think we will both make it out alive. we’ll fight this togehter. btw, my names winnie(:
Thank you, but you are the amazing one! You have so much strength in you yet to find. I’m so happy that you’re realzing that you’re life is much more important than just some guy, no matter how much you felt for him. It is his loss because you seems like such a wonderful person. I wish you all the best in finding someone who is accepting of you in all aspects of your life. And that can be there for you through it all. You can talk to me whenever you want. We all need friends in this battle. My name is melody. 🙂
aha; you’re amazing too(: thanks for the wishes& i hope you will find your SPECIAL one too one day. it’ll happen. i won’t forget you, now i know an extra friend i can turn to when i’m down because i know i can count on you. thank you melody!(:
Thank you too, I hope you have a great thanksgiving today.
We both have so much ahead of us! I’m thankful for that. 😀