It’s been 20 days since the last time I self-injured. My fiancé found out and almost ended our relationship because I did it again when I promised him I wouldn’t. Promise or no promise the urge was there & I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him or anyone before I acted. The past 6 months have been very difficult for our relationship. Right now I feel that there’s no way out but at the same time I don’t know that I want out. I’m afraid of being without this relationship. I’m very confused & I feel stuck. I’ve had the urges lately because I feel so helpless in our situation (which has only been generalized here, there’s a lot more to it). My urges are getting more intense as time goes by. If I did it, my fiancé would end our relationship but our relationship is so close to being over anyway that I feel like I might as well stop fighting it. I’m scared, sad, lonely and feeling stuck. It’s aweful.
I know exactly what you are going through my boyfriend of 3 yrs thought that i had gotten through all this but i hadnt and i had been injure free for about two years then i just couldnt take it anymore and i did and that has been about two months ago and he still cant trust me.. I am working to earn it back but injuring just feels like a part of my life now.. it is hard but i am working to just stop SI’ing and get on with my life.. I have those moments of weakness when i just want to give up but i fight through it and so can you… i dont think you should just give up on your relationship you need to try and work things out.. you cant just give up and i want to help you remain strong because i know you can.. if you want you can email me at jjmsgirl@gmail.com
i’m sorry you’re feeling this way and are put in a situation like this where your fiance is not willing to reach out to you/help you through it together.
this is just my opinion, but i don’t think a marriage was meant to be conditional. (he’ll be there for you if you don’t SI/will abandon you if you do SI) Love is unconditional.
try your best not to take out the possibility of your problems with your fiance or your marriage possibly not being gone through with on yourself. it takes 2 people for a marriage, and if he is not willing to pull his weight and be with you in sickness and in health, you can’t do it alone.
you need support.
do you have a therapist, or even maybe a good friend you can talk to about this? do you have pre-marriage counseling? i’ve heard of this before. maybe it’s something you could see if he wanted to do with you…if not, just do it on your own. you are worth taking the time to make sure you are not marrying the wrong person or marrying for the wrong reasons.
take good care of yourself. you are worth it.
<3
Laurie