After all this time with my Therapist & Psychiatrist I still find they don’t understand how I consider Love & Pain the same and how it still isn’t easy for me to consider some other way of looking at things. No one gets that whether I’m hurting myself or someone else is doing it still feel right. Yesterday my therapist spoke about a contract for saftety that I have with my shrink, but you know she never said to me that you also have it with me which makes me think she doesn’t truly care about anything. Right now I’m going through binge eating and I haven’t stopped it yet even though I feel sick as a dog all the time it’s the pain that drives me to do it at least I’m feeling something. I’ve also gone back to doing all my usual ways of hurting myself. It’s like I go through every possible way I could think of to inflict the pain so I would feel like I’m taken care of something. I know what all of you must be thinking she’s a total loser and I’m glad I really don’t know her. You don’t have to think it I already do after all I’m suppose to be handling all this because I graduate from S.A.F.E. Everyday I start out the cycle in a different way. I help thinking about how I felt loved by all the adults who have abused me in my life when I was getting whatever pain they were putting me through at the time. Now I feel nothing.  Does anyone else feel that way??