I recently confided in one of my closest friends about my SI. I was previously scared that maybe he’d run away and leave me like a few people I thought were my friends have before. But he didn’t. I don’t know what it is about him. I’ve only known him since the start of school (so about 2 months), and I’m already so close to him. I tell him everything and he still doesn’t judge him. I’m so happy to have found a best friend as great as him.
So a little while ago, I was able to stop my SI for 26 days. I was so upset when I slipped up but now, looking back, I’m incredibly proud of myself. If you had asked me before, when things were really bad for me, I would have laughed in your face if you told me I would go a whole 26 days without SI. As of now, I’ve started over again. It’s been 2 weeks and I feel stronger than ever. I have all these great new friends at a new school. Everything’s new and I feel like I am too. Everyone in my new school is so accepting. Our whole class is only 50 people, so we’re like a little family. We all look out for each other and I love that.
Lately, I’ve been throwing myself into guitar, and writing. Whenever I feel like I want to SI, I grab my guitar and play my heart and pain out. I’ve also taken to having a notebook with me all the time and whenever I’m upset, I just write a poem or a new song.
I feel so amazing right now. For once in my life, I think I’m happy. I see the hope that I once doubted existed. Although I’m still dealing with a lot of the injuries/scars, I know it’ll be ok. Never in my life have I ever felt this great. I guess I just wanted to let you guys know that there is hope. For so long, I read posts of people being happy (I envied them), but I never thought it would happen for me. I was so far into it, that I thought there was no way out. There is and I know that now. I hope you guys all feel the way I’m feeling right now because I can’t even describe to you how fantastic it feels.
Thanks for reading all that if you did. I hope it made you feel better, and if not, well it certainly helped me to write. I love you all. You’re all beautiful. Remember that. <3