Si is becoming so strong now that it’s all i think about…i think about different ways to do it and the excuses ill have to make to cover it up. For some reason i just get this feeling that life is pointless and ill never get a true sense of happiness ever again…i watch people laugh and remember a time when i didnt have to force myself to laugh or smile just to put everyone at ease. I pretend everything is ok all the time because i want people to think im happy and ok but really nothing is ok. I SId this morning because i was scared and stressed and i hate that i have to lie about it all the time…i realize that im at that point now where i probablly should get help but i cant i cant let everyone find out again that im still doing it…will someone give me some adivce, any would be good  because im soooo scared….