I stoped SI for a little while but now I feel really close to starting again. There is just so much to deal with. I have to keep my grades up so I can get into college with brings me drownding into a pool of stress. I also have to keep up this facade of happiness because if my parents knew the pain im feeling I dont think that they could accepet it. I feel as if there is a constant struggle in my mind between the dark side of me that tells me how much better i could feel if i SI and the other part of me who knows how wrong feeling like the pain will make everything better is. Im staring down into the abyss trying not to go in.