i bet you’re wondering why i hide from you. i bet you wonder why i don’t trust you enough to tell you why i do what i do. i bet you think i’m selfish and weak. Or, maybe not. Maybe you are just worried about me, about my health, about myself.

i can’t tell you why i did it. i can just tell you that i did. i am not even sure why. Tempatation? When you go so long without your abusive substance, you either lose your addiction, or it grows stronger. Mine grew stronger i guess.

But, i’m sorry. I apologize for being weak, and scared, and selfish. But, i gotta fake it ’till i make it, right? I gotta ACT happy to BE happy, or so advice has been given to me. But, i love you and i love you for loving me and caring for me. But, this is ME. Who i am, what i am, what i deal with, EVERY SINGLE DAY. it’s what i go through, it’s what i’ve always gone through, and what i will always go through. And for that i can’t apologize for.

I just wanted to let you know that i love you for not pushing me, for not lecturing me, for not judging me, for loving me.

i love you.