I haven’t SI’d in 165 days after 4 years of off and on doing it. im proud of that and i needed that but now all i wonder is whats the point.  In three days a year ago i made the biggest mistake of my life. as that gets closer all i can do is think about SI.  I dont see the reason to not do it any longer.  I know it wont fix anything but i know that it will help me deal with life for the moment. I try my hardest to distract myself but I honestly dont know how much longer I can go. I dont wanna let my friends and family and even more myself down by starting again. so if anyone can help point out the point besides the obvious reasons thatd be helpful.