I have been SI for 7 years, I started when i was 12 and i am now almost 20. It’s soooo hard not too…. i haven’t for about three months, but my grams has lung cancer and is terminally ill, she  won’t live much longer. She is being taken care of by hospice and i don’t know what i am going to do when she dies. She has been a second mother too me, since my father hasn’t ever really been around, my father is a drug addict. My mom remarried 11 years ago and my stepdad was mentally abusive, and physically abusive to my older brother. There is so much i could write about but this is my first post. The first time i injured i was 12.  When i was 15 i was diganosed with Bi-polar disorder, and it’s been a rough and bumpy road for me.  ugh i wish i could explain everything i wanted to say but it’s hard to get it all out at one time. My year has been crazy, My ex who i date for three years died march 16th, i loved him and i still do, he married the girl he cheated on me with. He was only 18, we dated from 12 to 15… I can’t get over him being dead and i can’t stop this pain and heartache and what he did too me and yet i am still torn apart.