im not sure what to say. i feel like “im sorry” had stopped being enough long ago but its all i can ever think of. the people i need to apologize too arent around me at the moment, yet still, as i sit in my room or on the floor of the bathroom its all i can ever think to say. over and over.
i’m sorry.
its been a few days since i had last SIed. But a few moments ago i did it again. im not sure why. im afraid that on top of this i may have developed an E.D. i dont know why it happens. most times i wish i would stop. i dont care too much what its doing to me but i know it hurts those those i care about; at least, it will if they ever found out. i doubt anyone will ever know the full extent of it, and i guess thats a good thing. my other major issue with it is i know it is influencing my relationship with God. i try so hard to do the “right thing” but im not exactly sure where to go with that you know?…….i dont know..
anyhow. id like to talk to you. thanks for reading
Wow, you are very good with your words. I’m sorry to hear that you SIed, and hope that you are doing okay now. I really relate to your feeling that you don’t care how it hurts you, but worry how it’ll hurt your loved ones, if they find out. I want to SI most of the time, but worrying about my fiance and mom finding out stops me sometimes. And I know its hard to try to do the right thing, but just know that we are only human and are wired to make mistakes. Sometimes, we just have to struggle I suppose. It takes a very strong person to admit to SI and to discuss their struggles with it, so take some pride in that. Keep writing-it helps!