I’m depressed on my favorite holiday.  I’m scared that the demons will knock at the door and engulf me.  I’m resisting them as the knock, trying not to look.  I’m trying not to think.  shutting my mind completely.    i’m wondering if i just fall out of the world if i would be caught.  i wonder if anyone knows i feel this way and will actually help, not put the issue aside.  i still wonder.  my wondering gets me no where.  people say they care.  some how i don’t think i can resist the knocking.  i’m going to let them in.  i hope they do not take me.

the first time you hear of self injury you think its stupid, that no one should do it.  when you try in you see why.  you decide to do it again, soon enough you just can’t stop.  you try to but then give in.  you begin to decay in life.  i sometimes wonder why i started, why i didn’t stop when i had a chance…  i still am wondering.

will i answer the door?