I keep injuring myself… I hate everything about me…i fail at everything, being a fiance, friend, daughter. I just want to end it all. There are so many times….but I cant bring myself to do it. why? I want it to end so badly.
But then, I feel so selfish for thinking that way…and it turns into a downward spiral, of me hating myself for being selfish and SI-ing even more because i get so mad. I don’t wanna be that way. I wanna be fine…happy…normal…to not have any scars to be ashamed of. I want to glorify God with all I am, but I fail. I cannot. I’m too weak.
It was all once a sweet dream…now its a nightmare. Yet, the nightmare is what gives me comfort. Feeling the pain is what brings a calming effect to my mind, and seeing that…… release from the chains that bind me.
There are many days i just want it all to end too. Believe me i have thought about ending it many times and just like you i can never bring myself to do it. The only thing that keeps me going is realizing how many people i would hurt if i did end it. The thing you have to realize is that even though it may end your pain others will be greatly affected by it. Keep your head up girl because people will help you through this. People always promise me that out of everything bad something good will come along so i guess thats all we can hope for!Keep pushing and dont give up, stay strong because God put you here for a reason and even if you don’t see it right now i’m sure you will figure it out later in life.
“You were only given this life because you are stong enough to live it.”