I keep injuring myself… I hate everything about me…i fail at everything, being a fiance, friend, daughter. I just want to end it all. There are so many times….but I cant bring myself to do it. why? I want it to end so badly. 
But then, I feel so selfish for thinking that way…and it turns into a downward spiral, of me hating myself for being selfish and SI-ing even more because i get so mad. I don’t wanna be that way. I wanna be fine…happy…normal…to not have any scars to be ashamed of. I want to glorify God with all I am, but I fail. I cannot. I’m too weak.
It was all once a sweet dream…now its a nightmare. Yet, the nightmare is what gives me comfort. Feeling the pain is what brings a calming effect to my mind, and seeing that…… release from the chains that bind me.