I told my brother that I would live my life better..be a little happier, and be the most optimistic person but he doesn’t know. I have been doing SI for years. The marks-everyone can see but they never seem to put it altogether. Sometimes I think its better they dont know or get it cause then it would be up. They always asked “what happen”, and being the perky person I can be, I put on a smile and say “I am such a klutz-I ‘accidentally’ hurt myself” and they buy it. I sit here and I am scared that this is the most I can get in life. Its like it will never be over.
There is a way that it will be over. The problem is finding the path to follow to get to the end. Sometimes, its better when someone finally does put it together, it makes it a little easier to see life from the outside again. There will always be rain, but there IS sun somewhere behind the clouds. I hate using cliches but they help me to remember why I want to stop. Hopefully they will help you too.
I totally know how you feel… my family found out i Si and it was one of the worst days of my life… i told them i would quit and they believed me but i still injure. its addicting and i cant stop and i try covering up as much as i can but im always afraid they’re going to check….if they discover that im still doing it things are going to get worse. They dont realize that it makes me feel better because im so numb from everything else that has happened…i too am scared that this is all my life is going to be, just waking up feeling hopeless and empty and then going to bed the same way. is it ever going to change????
I don’t think I ever felt better or more in control than when I finally told my mother and my brother. He believed for almost two years that the cat made the marks he could see. But when he figured it out he cared more about trying to make me feel better daily. It might be scary to tell someone, but nothing feels better than having someone on your side.
Sometimes when you put on that smile you feel like you want to tell them and they will understand you just have to tell someone close to you and go from there.. the process is long and hard but you are a fighter and can make a difference for yourself if you ever need someone to talk to i am here just email me at jjmsgirl@gmail.com. I’ll help you trough anything if you need me to.
Thank you. I feel better talking to people who know what I am going through. Because I feel that if I do tell my family or friends, they won’t look at me the same, and I know some will pass judgement. Its easier for me to tell it here because you guys understand, you know the feeling. Sometimes when I think I can tell people like my brothers-they give a face like they dont really want to know because then they will actually have to do something. Honestly, its just easier living the lie.