Lately I have just been in this mood. I wouldn’t exactly call it depressed so much as I would emotionless. Like on the outside I act happy but I’m just totally numb on the inside. Every once in a while i get into these moods. I have really been trying to stop SI-ing but it’s just so hard. I know why I do it. It’s mainly because of my family. I don’t really get picked on at school. But my family is just so messed up. And my brother gets bad grades and always gets in trouble so I feel a lot of pressure to be good. Also, I feel that my parents don’t pay enough attention me. They never congradulate me when I do good. They only pay attention to the bad. And once my dad called me selfish … I also do it because of myself. I look in the mirror and I just hate what I see. I think I’m fat and ugly and that no one will ever want me, that I’m not good enough. So I guess I’m punishing myself because I feel like I’m not what anyone expected. And I feel like I’ve let myself down too. But I really want to stop now. I want to finally feel good about myself. But I just don’t know where to start. My parents would think I’m crazy if I told them. And they wouldn’t get me help. And I really want to try this on my own. So does anyone have any advice for me? If anyone has stopped on their own please tell me how you did it. I’m desperate, I really don’t want to have another relapse.