Okay…I hope to all of you who take the time and read my posts, I do hope you realize how much I appreciate it. I really, truly do. But I’m losing myself again.
I’m finding it harder and harder to find the good in anything anymore. I’m putting my hope into one guy, again, and I’m just waiting to get hurt when he can’t live up to my impossible expectations. And I’m not blaming him, because I really care about him and all, but I just need someone to rely on and since those are few in my life, I chose him. But like always, I’m waiting to get hurt. Waiting for it and then readying myself.
This girl in my class got sent away because she tried to…yeah so today she was bragging about it. Then my so called friends were laughing at how stupid she was and making all of these depressed jokes so I had to fake a smile and laugh along while feeling torn down in every way possible. Yes, this girl is known for her crazy attention seeking stunts, but what about me? The go through life unnoticed girl? Am I as crazy as my friends are saying she is?
I don’t even know why I even try anymore. I try and drop hints to my parents and even sometimes to my friends, but I know their very subtle and getting less and less each day. Sometimes I wonder why I am still trying? Well because I don’t want this to end this way. I want to live. I want more than anything for just someone to yell at me, ‘Liz, what are you thinking? Why are you doing this to yourself? Please stop! Please?’ That’s all I want. But I get now that no one is saying that but myself. And right now, thats not at all who I need to hear it from.
I dunno. All I know now is that I’m tired of it. Tired of it all. I want it to be over.