I can’t even begin to explain how last night went, it’s just a blur to me. Anyhoo, I injured myself. I thought waking up today would be terrible. I mean, having to deal with all the stuff that I went through. Seriously my close friend and a guy that I’ve loved (I’m 17, I really don’t think I should be allowed to even use that word. Seriously.) for 2 freakin’-frackin’ years asking out a friend who’s close enough to be family. It just makes me feel like I’m not good enough, then again having to watch him try to get with every single one of my friends helps. (Ugh, no wonder my self-esteem is lower than dirt.) I did everything for this guy and I got nothing in return, he probably doesn’t even remember my birthday. I guess it’s my fault for not being what he wants though…
People think I SI for attention but ya know, it’s nothing like that. I don’t care who sees my injuries. My friends pretend to be oblivious to my injuries and anyone who does notice them just yells at me like it’s honestly going to make me have an epiphany and I’ll magically stop injuring. Oh.I.Wish.
I finally decided that I’m going to get help for my problems. Even though I feel like someone else needs the help more than I do. I can’t tell my parents about this just yet. They don’t seem to care. Sooo yeah… I guess this would be considered a step forward in my “War Against Self-Injury” (“W.A.S.I.”) but so far I’m not really positive about how this’ll turn out.
P.S. – Something that’s quite pathetic… I realized that my life would be completely boring without my SI problems and eating disorder. Not really something to be proud of though.