First off, I just wanna put out there how out of the norm and awkard I feel posting something up on the internet. But I figure, theres nothing to lose, right?
I feel like there are two of me. The person I really am, and the person I am to everybody else. If anybody ever found out that I SI, I dont know what I would do. My best friend knows, although I dont think she could ever handle knowing the full extent. After over 5 years of on and off problems with SI, this past summer got scary out of control. Some people wouldnt consider it to be, but for me it was/is. The number of times I injure has been increasing over time. It’s scary to find that you can so easily lose control of something that you associate with control in the first place. I’ve been reading alot of posts on this site and others and have read about people who get some form of help. To me, that is the ultimate bravery. To tell on yourself for something that is so shameful (personally anyway). I wish I had the courage to do that, but I know at this point I never could. I know it would shock and upset too many people, and I could never risk hurting someone else. As a result of the fear of being found out, I’ve become the worlds most secretive person and the best liar I’ve ever known. Paranoia is reality in my head, and honestly it just sucks to think people are always out to get you. Well anyway, its been 4 weeks and 2 days since I last SI’ed, yay for me 🙂 Maybe it isn’t impossible to do this on your own.