So last week I got this song called Why by Rascal Flatts, its a song about the affects of suicide and how the people around those who died deal with it. At first I think I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t affecting me, that I could listen to it countless times and it wouldn’t hurt me, but I’ve realized that I listen to this song  just to listen to it…it makes me feel good but then again it’s killing me. I can’t turn it off but I know that it’s hurting me. I was asked on sunday if I still did it, by a friend, and I said no but I couldn’t help but think isn’t it just as bad to be thinking about it constantly…to constantly want to do it, to know that one of these nights you will because it’s been on your mind for months? Of course I’m depressed again and talking about it with a friend would desperately help but how do you trust someone after they’ve already betrayed that trust about this very same topic? It frustrates me that I live only to hurt and be in pain?