This is kind of weird. I don’t really talk to anyone about my problems. Now, I’m doing it on a website for thousands to see…but I feel this is a safe enough place.
I’ve SI’d since the beginning of 8th grade. I’m in 9th grade now. Why I did it was that I felt alone a lot. I felt unloved and uncared for. My family loves me with all their heart, I know. And everybody says they love me. But it just seems like lies.
I’ve never had a boyfriend. I look at myself in the mirror and ask, “What’s wrong with ME?” All my friends have boyfriends. Why am I left out? Which also leads me to think that I’m ugly and fat and unlovable. My friends and family say, “You’re not fat! You’re beautiful, Liz!” But I think their lying. And there is nothing they can do or say to make me think otherwise. That contributes to the feeling alone. (Plus this incident with this boy I really like didn’t really help the situation.)
I always think people hate me and talk about me behind my back. I’m paranoid. I can’t help it though. As hard as I try. I just can’t. I feel misunderstood and awkward. I don’t feel as if I belong ANYWHERE!
I SI’d three days ago or so. I just feel so unloved…..I don’t know how to deal with it.
I don’t have control when these depressed emotions come out. I’m just constantly hurt inside…and now out.
hey liz,
your story sounds very similar to mine with the same issues of paranoia and “knowing” they love you but feeling like they dont or like they only say these things because they are supposed to. it is probably very likely that you have depression (those thoughts are common with it) so it might be a good idea for you to maybe talk to someone so they can get you help. if you dont want to though, at least realize that you arent alone in how you feel and this website is a good place to express those thoughts and emotions because most people on here will understand what your going through.
if you ever want to talk you can totally email me at matchinglaces@gmail.com =)