This is kind of weird. I don’t really talk to anyone about my problems. Now, I’m doing it on a website for thousands to see…but I feel this is a safe enough place.
I’ve SI’d since the beginning of 8th grade. I’m in 9th grade now. Why I did it was that I felt alone a lot. I felt unloved and uncared for. My family loves me with all their heart, I know. And everybody says they love me. But it just seems like lies.
I’ve never had a boyfriend. I look at myself in the mirror and ask, “What’s wrong with ME?” All my friends have boyfriends. Why am I left out? Which also leads me to think that I’m ugly and fat and unlovable. My friends and family say, “You’re not fat! You’re beautiful, Liz!” But I think their lying. And there is nothing they can do or say to make me think otherwise. That contributes to the feeling alone. (Plus this incident with this boy I really like didn’t really help the situation.)
I always think people hate me and talk about me behind my back. I’m paranoid. I can’t help it though. As hard as I try. I just can’t. I feel misunderstood and awkward. I don’t feel as if I belong ANYWHERE!
I SI’d three days ago or so. I just feel so unloved…..I don’t know how to deal with it.
I don’t have control when these depressed emotions come out. I’m just constantly hurt inside…and now out.