i just had a minor(ish) breakdown. i had been doing fine for the past 2 days deciding that i was at least going to TRY and stop SIing. today i had been kinda distracted and was definitely thinking about it but i hadnt come to the point where i needed to do anything. i was just sorta going through the normal motions of a day.
but just now i got off the phone with one of my friends from back home and i just kinda freaked out. the conversation was just so normal and humdrum and boring and by the end of it i was seriously stressed out to the point where i could barely remember how to say the words “good-bye.” i think i had just been looking for more to come from this talk or something cause there is really no reason for me to have done this but as soon as we hung up i just dropped the phone and …yeah, you know from there…
but it was weird i guess, like i just sorta stared at myself for awhile trying to figure out what just happened. one minute i was on the phone have an every-day conversation about some movie or what so-and-so had for dinner and the next minute im staring in the mirror at this person who no longer seems to have any control with the very thing that was initially intended to bring control
I feel EXACTLY the same
Same thing (well, almost) happend to me yesterday. I had reached my breaking point. My nephew, who is 4, was crying and screaming because he couldn’t get his way. I was just so stressed. I was trying to resist the urge to SI, but it didn’t work. Next thing I know, I injured and I’m crying hysterically. I call my teacher at home and I couldn’t reach her, so I left a message. She always knows how to calm me down. So yesterday after I told my mom, I told her about my SI. We had a good 10 min talk and now she’s helping me get the help I need.
I thought SI’ing was suppose to help bring some sort of control to my life. But each time I did it, I would end up feeling worse and guilty. Breakdowns are always the hardest to deal with because they’re difficult to control. This probably didn’t help you much, but if you’re ready to get help for this, just tell someone. Trust me, it’s easier said than done. But in the end, everything will work out fine.
yeah actually i decided today that that is probably the right decision so i ended up telling my dad. i was so nervous and almost ended up backing out but it turned out really well and now i think he is going to help me get what i need as well.
and your comment really does help, its good to know that im not alone in how i feel or what im doing, so thank you for telling me =)