i just had a minor(ish) breakdown.  i had been doing fine for the past 2 days deciding that i was at least going to TRY and stop SIing.  today i had been kinda distracted and was definitely thinking about it but i hadnt come to the point where i needed to do anything.  i was just sorta going through the normal motions of a day.

but just now i got off the phone with one of my friends from back home and i just kinda freaked out.  the conversation was just so normal and humdrum and boring and by the end of it i was seriously stressed out to the point where i could barely remember how to say the words “good-bye.”  i think i had just been looking for more to come from this talk or something cause there is really no reason for me to have done this but as soon as we hung up i just dropped the phone and …yeah, you know from there…

but it was weird i guess, like i just sorta stared at myself for awhile trying to figure out what just happened.  one minute i was on the phone have an every-day conversation about some movie or what so-and-so had for dinner and the next minute im staring in the mirror at this person who no longer seems to have any control with the very thing that was initially intended to bring control