So it has been rough. Some close calls, and I’m exhausted all the time. I just had a big cry, one of those cries where afterwards you feel like you have nothing left in you. The director of the dance school talked to me today. She said that she sees that I’m not connecting emotionally to some of the dances. This is true. I have trouble connecting to jazz, hip-hop, and most ballet. Lyrical is really the only thing where I can connect and express my emotions. She said that she can tell that something is up. I said yeah. She asked if I wanted to tell her, and I had a complete breakdown. But I didn’t tell her… I think I might though. She really cares, and I can tell that she’s concerned.
I know that this S.I.ing is affecting my attitude, too, I’m less otptimistic and happy and bubbly. But I don’t know how to fix it. I’m just so lost and exhausted and my parents are constantly yelling at me. Here’s two more poems… let me know what you think.
For a while,
I let the tears wash out the pain,
Until there’s nothing left.
The sunlight has been tarnished,
Filtered in through the darkness,
Tainted by broken dreams and,
The tears trace tracks
Of heartbreak and disappointment.
I’m exhausted from all of this fighting,
I can’t let myself give in,
But I don’t know how long it will be,
Before I collapse,
My worst enemy,
And my best friend
You lie, hidden,
Amongst the innocent
Of my fake life.
The temporary comfort
And the permanent addiction