Today I went to school and during first hour we had a motivational speaker about resilience. She was a woman who drove drunk 6 years ago and was in a crash. She had many severe physical injuries because of the accident, too graphic to describe here. She told us about how she was a 2 time all-American athlete who lost everything. She told us not to give up and not to judge people for their appearance. She was a very good speaker, but I started crying as soon I was in the bathroom afterwards. She went through so much yet manages to be happy, and nothing bad has happened to me yet I hurt myself and hurt inside. I feel selfish and horrible, like I have no right to hurt. 2 of my friends have been sexually assaulted.   They are happy, they got over it and it made them stronger. I haven’t had that happen or been violated in any way, and I hurt myself and don’t want to live. They have hope and love life. I feel like I have no right to be hurting when nothing has happened to me. I feel even worse now though. I don’t know how to make my hurt go away, or lessen. I see myself as so pathetic and selfish and stupid because I have no real reason to be hurting. My friends have gotten better, so why can’t I?

hollie

dragonfairy14@hotmail.com