so, i used to self injure 2 years ago. i stopped before it got too bad. but in july of this year, i was sexually assaulted. i started again right after that, and its a lot worse than last time. i didn’t tell anyone until a few weeks ago, when i told my best guy friend. he was a little disappointed, but basically told me that i need to stop or i’m gonna kill myself. my life has been really complicated and i’ve been through a lot. i understand that i need to stop, but i just can’t. i’m not sure i even want to stop. on top of all that, i have an eating disorder. once again, i don’t think i want to stop it. i feel like nothing in my life is my choice anymore, because people are constantly telling me how to walk, talk, dress, act. i can’t take it anymore. the only things i can control are my pain and my eating habits. i have voices constantly screaming insults at me, calling me a names. injuring is the only thing that helps it. nobody except my guy friend knows this. i’m afraid to tell anyone else. people tell me that my problems will go away and i will get better if i want to, but i cant say that i want to get better, because that would be a lie. problems won’t disappear, they never will.
anyone ever felt like this?