How is it possible for someone to feel awful, disgusted, guilty, ashamed, happy all at one time. I’m not too sure, but right now that’s exactly how I feel.
An eating disorder claimed my best friend’s life last year. I haven’t been the same since. I miss her. I loved her like she was my own true sister. I had to enter high school alone and hated. People hated me because of what happened to her. They blamed me for not stopping her. Well, the truth is I have an eating disorder to and didn’t see the wrong in what she was doing. I do now, but still am having a huge difficulty stopping.
Now, why I’m happy, you’re probably wondering. Well, my best guy friend (who knows about everything; the eating disorder, the SI, everything and is also helping me get through this) asked me out a week ago. After so long battling myself for the right answer, I decided to tell him yes.
The conflict? He was my best friend’s boyfriend until the day her heart stopped.
I feel so awful like I’m betraying her. He told me he was feeling like that too, but thought she’d want us to be happy. I am happy with him. He’s the only one who understands what I’m dealing with, and he doesn’t think I’m insane for having these problems. But I can’t help the guilt.
When people heard about us on Friday, I got called a list of bad names which led for me caving and SI. I haven’t seen him this weekend, so he doesn’t know I have yet.
But why I’m even mentioning this is because I want to have some opinions. Is dating him wrong of me? Is it really betraying Haley, (my best friend)? Please be honest, cause I don’t want to shame her memory. Believe me I don’t.
hmmm…weeeeelll, did Haley ever say she loves him? Like was in ‘true love’ with him? And did he feel that way about her? If not, he is over her and although he probably feels guilty too he just wants you guys to be happy.
I say to try it for a few weeks and see if you still feel guilty. If you do, tell him and ask to be friends again.
If you could please answer mine it would really mean the world to me. Legit.
-~*-RosieNoChance-*~-
Hmmm… I say you should date him but quilt can corrupt your life so if you’re still guilty after a while I go with “RosieNoChance” and ask him to be friends. 😀 If you EVER need to talk email me at emo_chick44608@yahoo.com. 🙂