I have not wrote on here for quite a while, so I’ll give everyone an update.
August 28th I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. They held me for two hours and sent me to a psychiatric hospital. It was the second time I had stayed in that hospital, so I wasnt too scared. I ended up staying inpatient for 11 days and never got any better. The psychiatrist there decided not to draw my stay longer and sent me home anyway. I was sent back to school and ended up injuring the next day.
I cried every day for a week of school and felt increasingly worse throughout the first week. I injured on Monday during school and had conferences that night. During conferences(Im in a counseling group called Oasis) my mom had me introduce her to the leader of the group,Michelle. My mom asked michelle about safety, and when they call to tell her about any injuring incidents. I didnt quite understand so when my mom was waiting in line for a teacher, i went back and asked Michelle if they call everytime they find out I SId. Apparently they do. She asked why, had i injured again, and i told her the truth… She had me go back and get my mom then told my mom what I had told her. My mom made me show her and Michelle my injuries and then she freaked out. She said Oh My God! and started rapid fire questioning me. I cried all night, then all day at school the next day. The only thing that had recently kept me from crying or SIing every day was the security that i had someone to talk to in confidence at school. Now that is all gone and I’m alone again.
I hate this stupid life. Every one I confide in seems to be taken away. I cant talk to the oasis counselors, they are just two more people i have to hide my SI from. When I talked to the school nurse, they told me I wasnt allowed to have any contact with her anymore. And now that my mom knows about my recent SI, she wants to quit my therapy. My therapist is the only person left who I can talk to, that helps me feel better. I can not lose her. I just want all this to go away…