I think that I’m losing so much of myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t S.Ied in a while, which I am very proud of actually. Since my birthday, which was August 6th, but I’ve definately thought about it many times.
The reason that I did on my birthday, was because I realized how unhappy I really was. I spent the entire summer huddled into a corner, because of so many things that happened to me. I just curled up there and cried without stoping. I listened to music, that didn’t help… I begged God to help, which he didn’t. There was nothing to do, but SI, cry, and scream.
See, a close family member died, I was raped, my boyfriend that I loved more than anyone in the entire world left me, and my parents and I weren’t getting along as well as I would like.
The boy… We weren’t together that long… A few months or so. But still, my first love I was with for two years, and it was nothing compared to how much I loved…LOVE… this boy. He’s just everything to me. He left me… I have no idea why. He still acts like he loves me though, which is so very confusing. We are like best friends now. We have a whole group of friends. Theres about 5 or 6 of us. I hug him, and I see him look at me with love every day. He does little things that reflect it too. But still, he won’t be with me. It makes no since to me. It’s torturing me. ON my birthday he showed up for the first time since we had broken up. My chest broke apart and it hasn’t repaired since. I hate looking at him every day…ANd realizing that because I loved him, I am destroying myself…