I am about to be 28. By the time I was 18 I had been SI for close to 14 years. After 2 years of intense inpatient and a few months of outpatient I finally went my first month without SI. After that followed 6 years SI free. I met a great man married him and had a daughter. She had alot of medical problems and I got pretty depressed. I heard family mention at one point the concern that I may be SI again. I told them I wasnt and that I was afraid that if I ever did again I would never be able to stop. Well I started again without really realizing it. After a few months I finally got up the courage to discuss the depression with my GP and he recommended a therapist. On the second visit I told her that the reason I was coming to therapy was the SI. She said we will get to that. Every appt she asks at the end if I SI since the last appt and says to write in my journal when the feeling comes up. Sometimes I don’t even know I am SI till after the fact. I really want to stop. I am afraid my daughter or husband will catch me and I am not feeling better as easily as I used to. Is there hope? I have read the ” BODILY HARM” book but how do I get that window if I don’t realize till after the fact? Do I need to push the issue more with my therapist? Should I talk to my husband and How can I do that? I am so stupid for doing this again I just never realized how close to relapse I allways was. It’s like the book says about the absence of SI not being the cure. I was abstaining but was that because I was living a temporary Fairy Tale? I thought that after that many years I would never go back. I wish I lived closer to S.A.F.E. I am afraid that if my GP had to take care of the SI I would be hospitalized and that can’t happen there are no trusted adults to care for my daughter. I just want to feel without SI.