So.. my mom and I were just talking about my dad. He’s always had a bad temper, and me and him had really bad power struggles when i was like 8. he threatened to put me in an institution (now i know it was a bluff, but it scarred me for life. I’m terrified to go anywhere against my will). he also shoved me around, yelled a ton, at me, and my mom. he also spanked me (like everyone else) but he did it probably twice as much to my than my sister or brother. He was violent with me and never to my siblings. He would always ask me why i couldn’t be more like my sister. At the time that these issues happened we were moving, and i had guardia (sickness you get from water). well, i guess he felt bad and bought me a bunch of stuff from when i was like 12 up till now. i never new why. until now. my mom says i might have depression from this, she says my dad even told her he thought it was his fault i was like this.
i’m scared to move, go anywhere against my will, or be in a position of argument. i’m never really mad, unless it’s about my dad.. The other week he flipped out over who knows what.. but he was yelling at my mom, she left with my little brother for fear of his safety. I was home, and she called me telling me he was really mad. i wanted to go down and attack him, but i knew if i did he would overpower me and then i’d be taken away from my fam or something.
when school started, and i parked in the parking lot, i had the strangest feeling of deja vu..– it was the same place my dad took me and threatened me to put me in an institution.. some how my subconscious new that was the place, i felt threatened the whole first week and didn’t know why. I can’t look at my dad the same anymore. I feel like i need to tell someone. NOT a councilor I’ve tried that road already and hate it. i told my friends about my SIing. Should i tell them about this or not? is it too personal and too involved with my family? I don’t want to be separated from my family tho! what do i do? (Please don’t give me feedback about how you’ve had it worse, i know this is not the worse thing in the world, but it’s big for me right now)