I started my senior year of high school yesterday, and I can just say that I HATE school so far. I just have such a bad schedule, so that means almost no classes with friends, and lunch with only 3 of my friends. I’m used to being around my friends all the time, they are my support group (even though only 2 of them know about what I do/did). I’m taking Pre-Calculus this semester and I already hate it. I have always hated math because I’m not that good at it. Well my teacher gave us homework in the review section from suff I should’ve already knew, guess what! I didn’t! I was soo upset, I don’t really need this class but they wont let me switch and I don’t want to fail. I just broke down and cried I was so upset, I know it was just over stupid homework, but it made me feel worthless that I didn’t know how to do what everyone else did. I knew I wasn’t ready for that class.

And onto friends, well my best friend, I was so happy to see him yesterday. We didn’t talk all summer, because neither on of us were ever home at the same time and stuff. Well we were supposed to have our 1st period class together, and I got there early so I was waiting on him in the classroom, but he never showed. They changed his class to French at the last second, and I didn’t know. Well when 1st period was over he was coming out of the language hallway and I was gonna ask him what was going on but he was with some girl. He saw me but he just rolled his eyes. He was hitting on this girl, which I hate to say but it really upset me. See, he is also my ex-boyfriend. I still have deep down feelings for him but more like a brother, and he still wants to date me. Anyway we had lunch together and he just walked up to me like nothing happened so I did the same. But everything was fine until today on the way home (on the bus ). He was acting all depressed (by the way he used to SI too) and I kept trying to get him to smile. Finally he was like “ok, you want me to smile?” *grabs my hand and holds it* “see this would make me smile” *smiles really big*.

Well in any other case that would be soo sweet the whole best friends thing, but incase you didn’t read my last blog I have a boyfriend, a great one of 2 years and 3 months. Anyway, I wasn’t sure what to do I, started swinging my feet and kicked the bar of the seat, and used that as an excuse to pull away. He looked like he was about to cry and I hate that soo much, I really do love him, but in a brotherly way.

If anyone has advice on that feel free to PLEASE help me out, I want to keep him as my best friend, but I have a boyfriend I don’t plan on leaving, and I don’t want to awkward moments like there are getting now…

WOW this seems long GRR, so I’m gonna go on to bed since it’s almost midnight and I have to be up by 6am…

<3 Roxy