The format for this post is gonna be me rambling about my birthday and then it’ll be about SI, so if you wanna skip the birthday part just scroll down to were there’s a space between my birthday stuff and more stuff. Ya… You should be able to find it…..
So yesterday was my 14th birthday… It started off really good and was a ton of fun, but it did get a little bumpy in the middle and then it got better and ended amazing! So, I was woken up at 7am and my mom made frech toast for me and then I wen’t off to cross-country practice. (I took up running around the same time I started to SI in 7th grade) My mom and dad had to work so I had to babysit my little sisters and we were gaving so much fun!! Until lunch time. That was when my youngest sister had a total melt-down and got all mad at me because I didn’t say “I forgive you” when she said she was sorry for saying that “My birthday is no big deal and it doesn’t matter”. I wanted to forgive her, but to hear that coming from my 7-year-old sister was really painful, she’s so young. Anyway, I did say sorry and that I forgave her and then we finished lunch and I took a nap. My mom woke me up around 4 when she got home and we went and got my dad at his work around 5:30 and then we went out for dinner at Longhorn. It was really good! I love their steak!! After we got ice cream and thenwent home where I opened my presents. I got a gift card to Barnes n’ Noble (I’m a book nerd), a really comfy sweatshirt with my High School’s name and team on it, some earrings, and a lot of cash (from my relatives who generally forget my birthday, so I was surprised). Then I went out to see GI-Joe with my dad, but we got there early so we went to the Middle School parking lot and my dad let me drive!! It was amazing! Then we went to the movie and it was was actually really good!! We got home at midnight and then I crashed and then I woke up and I’m now writing this. It was a really good day, but I can’t say that I didn’t think about SI and that I didn’t get the urge, but I fought it.
Ok so here’s my piece about SI: So I’ve made a promise to myself. It’s a secret promise that I’m only telling on here cause I don’t know any of you and you don’t know me. I promised that because I just turned 14 and it’s a whole new year for me now. So I promised that I’m gonna get better and I’m not gonna SI. So I did some research about SI and the process of getting better. I know that the first step toward getting better is admitting I have a problem, which I do all the way. Then I learned that I should think of something I love to do and have it replace SIing, a good habit to replace the bad one. I’m still trying to find it, but it might be running or writing. Apparently the next step towards healing is something with a “Higher Power” or something and I know it means God, but I’m an athiest. I’ve grown up in a Christian family, but when I needed “God” most he wasn’t there so concluded that it was a bunch of baloney and I stopped believing. My SI (the second attempt) started a month later. It didn’t leave me and I always knew it would be there, but apparently “God” makes getting better easier. Know idea about that, can anyone fill me in? I’d like to know more about this “God” who is supposedly supposed to love us no matter what and help us and always be there, ya right. I doubt he exists. How could anything or anyone ever love me unconditionally?? I’m just a screwed up kid with a screwed up family! >:(
~OMK
You are loved unconditionally, by so many other people than you realize. Your sisters and your parents, they love you unconditionally. And whether you want him to or not, whether you believe in Him or not, God loves you unconditionally, regardless of whether or not you let him in. He loves all of us. And I’m so glad you had such a good birthday. It’s the simple things we do that make us the most happy, that’s what I believe. Like today, I’m going to take my brother to the library. It’s simple. I enjoy books. And he does too. It’s those simple things, you know? Part of getting better, is filling your life with resources, people, and the simple things. Running, writing, reading, everything you love to do. ^(I love all of those, too, how cool is that?) will fill your emptiness, better than SI ever could. You have to utilize those and make sure you continue to do so. And one thing to remember. ALWAYS have someone to call. You can’t exactly keep it a complete secret. You have to really trust someone, so you can call them whenever you get the urge, and they will help you through. And when or if you can’t do that, just tell God, because he IS there, that you’d like to not s.i. And he’ll do it for you. I swear. It’s happened to me. Just simply say that. It can be something like, “God, I’d like to not s.i. right now please” and he’ll protect you from it. It all comes from little things, and realizations we may make along the way.
If you need anything else, email me at ohc0nnahhh@aim.com
<3, rescue
Well i’m really happy for you that you didn’t SI on your birthday! and you were able to have a pretty good time. good job =]
Hey believe me God does exist. No we don’t hear his voice any more but he gives us simple little details that let us know he is there, you just have to look for them. I’m glad that you had a good bday mine never really turn out that good… I always think of my dad… He died a week after mine… So mine never go really good. But I hope that you can over come the SI I’ve done it since I was 12 I’m now 14. But in order to have a good day we have to start out in a good way. What I do is when I wake up I think of 6 POSITIVE things about myself. It’s hard but it is possible. I wish you the nest of luck and remember God does exist and he can help you through urges he does me and He WILL you. You just have to believe.
God loves everyone! INCLUDING YOU! Look outside, do you see the sky? clouds? birds? leaves, grass, bugs, sunshine, stars, the moon, mountains, your pets, a flower. If you don’t see any of those things, i challenge you to see something beautiful everyday. like Autumn leaves, or the blue sky or rain, how it gives life to everything. be thankful for everyday, even the bad ones, at least your not an orphan, you have a family!! sure they may fight, so does mine, i’ve been abused and i still am thankful for my family. you see how when your dad took you driving how it made you excited, little things like that can help so much. if you like running, take up a sport maybe, soccer, or lacrosse. i’ve never met anyone who has played a season of lacrosse and not like it! and pray, i know you’ve given up, but trust me he’s there. he might not answer your prayer right that day, or he may. but know that he would not put you through something you cannot handle. if you want to talk here’s my email: krispy_9311@hotmail.com