The format for this post is gonna be me rambling about my birthday and then it’ll be about SI, so if you wanna skip the birthday part just scroll down to were there’s a space between my birthday stuff and more stuff. Ya… You should be able to find it…..
So yesterday was my 14th birthday… It started off really good and was a ton of fun, but it did get a little bumpy in the middle and then it got better and ended amazing! So, I was woken up at 7am and my mom made frech toast for me and then I wen’t off to cross-country practice. (I took up running around the same time I started to SI in 7th grade) My mom and dad had to work so I had to babysit my little sisters and we were gaving so much fun!! Until lunch time. That was when my youngest sister had a total melt-down and got all mad at me because I didn’t say “I forgive you” when she said she was sorry for saying that “My birthday is no big deal and it doesn’t matter”. I wanted to forgive her, but to hear that coming from my 7-year-old sister was really painful, she’s so young. Anyway, I did say sorry and that I forgave her and then we finished lunch and I took a nap. My mom woke me up around 4 when she got home and we went and got my dad at his work around 5:30 and then we went out for dinner at Longhorn. It was really good! I love their steak!! After we got ice cream and thenwent home where I opened my presents. I got a gift card to Barnes n’ Noble (I’m a book nerd), a really comfy sweatshirt with my High School’s name and team on it, some earrings, and a lot of cash (from my relatives who generally forget my birthday, so I was surprised). Then I went out to see GI-Joe with my dad, but we got there early so we went to the Middle School parking lot and my dad let me drive!! It was amazing! Then we went to the movie and it was was actually really good!! We got home at midnight and then I crashed and then I woke up and I’m now writing this. It was a really good day, but I can’t say that I didn’t think about SI and that I didn’t get the urge, but I fought it.
Ok so here’s my piece about SI: So I’ve made a promise to myself. It’s a secret promise that I’m only telling on here cause I don’t know any of you and you don’t know me. I promised that because I just turned 14 and it’s a whole new year for me now. So I promised that I’m gonna get better and I’m not gonna SI. So I did some research about SI and the process of getting better. I know that the first step toward getting better is admitting I have a problem, which I do all the way. Then I learned that I should think of something I love to do and have it replace SIing, a good habit to replace the bad one. I’m still trying to find it, but it might be running or writing. Apparently the next step towards healing is something with a “Higher Power” or something and I know it means God, but I’m an athiest. I’ve grown up in a Christian family, but when I needed “God” most he wasn’t there so concluded that it was a bunch of baloney and I stopped believing. My SI (the second attempt) started a month later. It didn’t leave me and I always knew it would be there, but apparently “God” makes getting better easier. Know idea about that, can anyone fill me in? I’d like to know more about this “God” who is supposedly supposed to love us no matter what and help us and always be there, ya right. I doubt he exists. How could anything or anyone ever love me unconditionally?? I’m just a screwed up kid with a screwed up family! >:(