Have you ever felt like you just want to give up cause it’s so much easier than fighting anymore. Well, that’s my attitude now.
School drains all of my energy. It is a simple seven hour day, but as soon as I come home I find myself taking a three hour nap just trying to revive my system.
My friend got her schedule changed so now I have lunch alone. That is just my luck. Like everything else in my life, what I want is dangled right in front of me and then yanked out of reach. It’s unfair, cruel, downright horrible. It’s life.
And I’m sick of mine. I can’t handle it anymore. I really can’t. I haven’t even made it past the first full week of school and I’m already breaking down. In the morning I’ll wake up and just stare at the ceiling, clinging onto the seconds before I have to go back to school. Then in class, I just stare at the clock hoping it will magically move forward and save me.
I’m still locked in this room where I can find no source of light. I see no way out. I feel sometimes that my life is just an experiment on how far you can push someone until they shatter into a million broken shards. Let me tell you, I’m at the breaking point.
I’ve figured out to why I SI. Everyone does it for different reasons, but I finally figured out why. It distracts me from my insides cringing and throbbing. Handling a physical problem is much easier than dealing with a mental one. You can solve a simple injury, but dealing with the tremendous amount of emotions you have to sort out and then balance is hard. Very hard.
It’s unhealthy and a horrible habbit, but I can’t stop. I’ve hid my feelings for as long as I can remember and I just can’t get them out anymore.