This is my first time really sharing my story on a blog.  I’ll start out by saying that i’m 14 years old and im going to be freshman. i used to never really think about SIing. i went into 7th grade a pretty happy person. i dated this one guy for 6 months, then i ended it because i felt like the both of us should see other people since we were only 12 or 13. So after i dumped my boyfriend of 6 months, i found myself unusually sad. i figured it was just because it was over between us. i dated this other guy a few months later. he ruined everything that could possibly be going good in my life. i lost all of my so called “best friends”.

i will admit that this guy, we’ll call him… Kyle, did date one of my best friends. but she and kyle broke up a while before i dated him. anyways, this Kyle seemed like a really cool guy. he would always write me these really cute notes. then the cute notes became really perverted. he would tell me how he wanted to do these things to me, that i wanted no part in. and every time i told Kyle no, or that i wasnt comfortable doing that, he would make me feel so guilty. then he’d start to question our relationship and if i really ‘loved’ him. i was getting so sick of the guilt trips that i just threw him a bone. i know, youre probably thinking ‘why didnt u just end it?’. he was a real jerk, but then he’d do these seemingly cute things and i’d forgive him. everyone told me he was a bad kid and that i shouldnt have gotten involved with him, but i wanted to prove everyone wrong. that deep down, he really was a good kid. i wrote him a note saying that i wanted to do stuff. eventhough i honestly never wanted to do anything, and he knew that. it was the whimpy way out.

so i figured, “whats one note gunna do? a note meant for him, it wont do anything” that blew up in my face. he took the note and read it to the entire lacrosse team. thats probably…. 40 guys or so. that all went to my school. i had already lost all of my friends because i started to date this guy in the first place. so all my “best friends” hated me even more. it gave them more reason to. so  he reads that note of lies, and i get labeled as a slut. i was in 7th grade. our school consisted of 7th and 8th graders. he purposely let me fall flat on my face. with no one to fall back on. there was one friend that stood behind me, who believed in me, and that was the guy that i had dated for 6 months. everyone else… didnt care. i would walk down the hallways at school and all the 8th graders would stare at me. they would snicker. whisper into their friends ear. i would hold my head high and just walk. there was nothing i could do. no one would believe me, even if i did tell the truth. the rumors and lies were much more interesting. so this kid Kyle who destroyed my reputation, he gets to move. he moves alllllll the way across the country. he gets to start over. i get left on my face.

in the end, i discovered that he really wasnt a good kid. he told all of his friends that it would be funny to get me pregnant before he moved. who says that?!?!? and i’m not even like that! i would never do that with him. and he made that joke even before i wrote him that note of lies. i was so scared and lost. all my friends left me. people made nasty rumors about me. people who didnt even know me would talk about me. no one wanted to hear what i had to say because in their minds, Kyle had told them the whole truth and now that he was moving, there was no need to hear what i had to say. i would just say lies since he moved and wouldnt be able to defend himself, right? wrong. no one cared for my words.

this all happened at the end of my 7th grade year. everything got worse from that point on. that summer, i started to SI. i felt so relieved. being able to control my pain. i continued to SI the rest of the summer and into the fall. eventually, into the winter. people would ask what the injuries were and i would tell them that my cat did it. they believed it. but once it got to be spring of my 8th grade year, it got warmer. i couldnt cover everything anymore. it was too hot. 

In the spring of my 8th grade year i started to date the guy that i had dated for 6 months in 7th grade. we’ll call him… Drew. i had to tell Drew. i loved this guy. i told him and he made me promise to stop. so i promised. that was in april 2009. i had a relapse on august 8th… and i had to tell him. i felt so guilty. i broke a promise to him. he was upset… not mad, but more so sad. he hates seeing me hurt myself. i then promised him again that i would stop… but i dont know if i can keep that promise. i really hate seeing him upset. can anyone help me?